Saturday, 4/30/11, I was at the Utah Infertility Awareness Event at the University of Utah. I did learn some new things, mostly how to strengthen my relationship with my husband. A lot of the things that were covered either didn't apply to my situation with infertility, or I had already known, but still, it's always good to be around people who know what you are going through. {Side note: a few people came with babies... to an infertility event... can we say "insensitive"? Even after having a child, one still struggles with infertility, but to bring a baby when you know there are others around who are struggling, hurting, and you've been there & felt that heartache & sadness... REALLY?!}
After the event, some of the girls from the infertility group I go to met up at a restaurant close to the campus. One of them said something that I've felt for a while:
One of the most frustrating aspects of infertility is that now that we are unable to naturally conceive a baby on our own, society & medical professionals see us as no longer having the right to be parents. However, if we can come up with enough money, there's a chance we can have the privilege of becoming parents.
Kinda hurtful... When it comes to adoption, there are SO many hoops that have to be jumped through. Providing financial proof a child can be supported, Proof of mental stability, background check, having enough money for the adoption fees, etc. Anyone else out there not experiencing infertility can get pregnant, no questions asked. You can just take your baby home without proving to anyone you have the means to provide for your child, no background checks are done, and you can be as mental as the next person! But that is your baby, you gave birth, so you have the right to raise that child. Where are our rights? Why is there no consideration on behalf of infertile couples to have the RIGHT to parenthood? Aside from adopting pets as children, that seems to be all the "rights" we have (at least as far as affordability is concerned). I really feel that the government & insurance companies need to take a long hard look at infertility & how it affects couples and the ability to become parents. Not to mention the ridiculous costs associated with infertility treatments!
Anyway, I think this is weighing on my mind more than normal right now since Mother's day is a mere 5 days away. It's never an easy day for me (or anyone else in my shoes) This year though, as opposed to focusing on my empty arms & hurting heart, I think I'm going to try and take it for what it was when I was little: A day to celebrate my mother, what she's done for me & what she means to me. Plain and simple! I've been praying for strength everyday this week & plan to continue; hopefully Heavenly Father will take pity on me & help me get through this one day. May you also feel His strength if you are also going through infertility, God bless!
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI think you are an amazingly strong woman and I admire you being able to write about what you are going through on your journey. I thank you for allowing me into a little bit of what you are going through, because I never know quite what to say or how to comfort you. I can't just say, "It'll be alright, everything will work out." Because I imagine you've heard it all before and don't want to hear it anymore. I love that you have found a support group of women who are going through what you are and know what it's like. Because not everyone does. Anyways, now I'm just rambling. But I love you and Sam and I'm here for you even if it's just to rant.
I love this post NEMO! You have made some valid points. You'll be a mom one day may not be in the way you want it but you will be.
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