Infertility...

The start of my story
My husband, Sam & I decided that we would wait a few years after getting married in 2004, before we'd have children. We wanted to enjoy being married to each other & get more established first. So I stayed on my birth control that I had been on since I was 18 due to irregular menstruation cycles. The doctor just decided that was the easiest fix instead of looking into any other underlying causes. By just over 2 1/2 years, I was ready to start trying, so I came off my birth control in August of 2006. Not long after, I started having severe hot flashes& night sweats, and no period, or pregnancy. Around the end of October, still having these symptoms, I went to my primary care doctor to see what she had to say about it. This doctor was never very personable, she's the type that wants to get you in, get you out & out of her way... All she had to tell me what that it was my body adjusting to the hormones... That I should just wait it out & I'd be back to normal. So I took her advice, but by the end of December that year, I was still having the hot flashes, and no other activity... So I took my problem to an OB/GYN for a 2nd opinion...
Oddly enough I chose this OB out of the phone book randomly after having a failed attempt contacting the first place I found who couldn't see me for another 2 months! Come to find out my doctor & the clinic  specialized in infertility.  So I went to the office, and explained what I was going through. The doctor decided to do some blood tests & told me she'd contact me to discuss the results after she got them. A few weeks later and just after my 25th birthday in January of 2007, the doctor called me at work around 8:30am, I'll never forget that day: I was asked if I could come to the office at the end of the day which was 3:00 pm for her, that way we could take all the time we needed to discuss the results of my blood work, and "can you bring someone with you?" Those words are never a good sign. I hesitated a bit, I'm sure she could sense my fear because she asked if I was sure she could just tell me. I told her I'd rather she did, or I'd go crazy all day waiting. Then, the news that shook my entire world: "Sarah, I've gone over your results, and you are postmenopausal, you can't have children. I'm so sorry, you're hormone levels are off the charts and I about fell out of my chair when I read them. It took so long for me to get back to you because I had them retested to be sure." I kept my composure for the remainder of the conversation, including the confirmation that I would be at her clinic at 3. I hung up the phone, closed my office door, and just cried for a couple minutes. I was terrified at the call I'd have to make next, call my husband at work & tell him. I took a moment to gather myself together, picked up the phone, & called. I can't recall what I said, I was a mess. I know I asked him if he could meet me at home as soon as possible. After my call with him, I had to tell my supervisor I needed to leave for the day. I'm sure at that point it was written all over my face something was terribly wrong, when I got to my supervisors office, her door was closed, her supervisor was in with her, but with one look at me through the glass walls of her office, she got up & let me in right away. I just spilled everything out, and bawled right there in the office for a few minutes. After convincing them I could keep myself together long enough to drive myself home, they let me leave. The drive home seemed to take forever, lots longer than the 10 minutes it took me to get there. Once inside I just started crying again. Then Sam got home... When He walked in the door, I just rant to him & kept apologizing. He was great, just kept reassuring me. We went out to lunch to try and pass some time before the appointment. Finally 3:00 came around and we met with the doctor. She basically said the same things she told me over the phone, along with "there's no cure, there's no surgery." She offered to send us to the New Hope Center to speak with an infertility specialist & we agreed. Later that day, the center called us to let us know they had a cancellation & could get us in the next day. Sam and I went to the clinic, I was examined, had blood drawn & sent on my way. Once the results came back Sam & I went back in & the nurse verified the same thing my OB told me. Then we were asked to wait so we could speak with Dr. Robin, the founder of the clinic. We walked into her office, and the look on her face said it all for me. She just shook her head and said "I'm just so sorry." She told me what I was facing is called Premature Ovarian Failure. It's very uncommon for women my age to have. Basically it's going into menopause before the age of 40. She discussed our options & tried to reassure me: Don't let money be an issue, we don't want you to leave here without making you a mommy!" Easy for her to say.. No matter what option we went with, it was going to be anywhere from $20,000-$25,000 for an IVF procedure!


Adding insult to injury
I told my family about my diagnosis. Without skipping a beat my little sister offered to do whatever she could to help me, whether it be donating eggs, being a surrogate, anything, she would do it. Then, about two weeks later, called to tell me she was pregnant with her first baby... a couple weeks after that, my friend & next door neighbor told me she was pregnant. Both times, I just lost it. WHY?! When my little sister strayed from the church, smoked, drank, partied, had a minimum wage job, wasn't married... WHY could she have a baby & not me?! I wasn't a bad person, I stayed strong in the church, I was married, had a good job, good husband, I had done EVERYTHING right in my life! It wasn't fair. Maybe I was being punished, that had to be it! I messed up and didn't save myself until I got married, this is God's way of punishing me for that... And I stuck to that for a very long time! One by one, it seemed that my friends were getting pregnant. It finally got to the point where I couldn't go to baby showers anymore because I'd just come home and cry.


Hope?
I was determined not to take anything for the hot flashes, I didn't want to be on any kind of birth control in case there was a chance at all I could get pregnant, and a year after coming off the birth control & having my life turned upside down, I had a period in August of 2008. I was elated, especially since the following month, I had another one! I called my OB & went in for an exam and she set me up for an ultrasound. Sam came in with me, & the nurse started the monitor. She said "Have you been doing some praying?" I just looked at Sam, then back at her & said "Yes!" She said, well, there appears to be some activity there (before there wasn't any, no eggs, no follicles, nothing) She took some pictures of my ovaries & took them to the doctor for review. Then her new news: One of the follicles looked "strange". Next thing I knew, I was faced with the possibility of ovarian cancer, which led to about 5 months of going to the OB once a month to monitor the progression of the suspicious cell. Thankfully, it shrank & went away on it's own, no cancer! After that 2nd month of having a period, there's been nothing since. Seems that was it. so much for hope... I tried not to get my hopes up, but I failed. It was a hard pill to swallow. After that, depression started to set in...